need somebody
to play with me
pretend to be the animals we are licking wounds sniffing out safety
take care of me
flesh offerings to feed heart of itself
dress me
in colors i can’t remember brighter than the night
when this demon shakes its head.
.
need somebody
to sing songs to me
lullabies of queens blue in skin indigo in eye always tragic always laughing
dance with me
language of stumbling marching lying down to rest
hold me
press chest to chest hearts spinning a murmur something like hummmm
smudge me
feathers of hair dipped in smoke so rare as this
self-love.
.
and i fold curllapse into wood
receptors shot fried in the storm bearing no light
she is still.
still could not find the face the body she needed to smash in
to unrecognizable forgettable disposable cut never. and again.
could not find his breathing turned seizures cuz his seed his mess waste of desire
cannot survive contact in her temple
conquistadors are never welcome here.
shaking the bed so loudly the neighbors ask if we are hammering
she is still. he answers no and sorry, closes door. she is still. he returns just as hard only muted. she is still.
conquistadors are not welcome here.
lifting brown love over his head taking without asking even if a question left lips ears are closed humanity lost long ago
throwing brown love over shoulder
walk swift the strength of men’s bodies she used to slaughter. not so long ago back on the plains.
slamming brown love how can a bed so soft hurt
clothes an invitation to rip.
conquistadors were never welcome here.
.
she had never been so close to the ceiling
studying mildew painted cheap stucco with time endless watching floating
she could only hear prayers, deep inside somewhere
deeper than where he was fighting to arrive,
prayers, please stop. hope. this.is.over.soon.pleasejuststopi.do.not.want.u.in.here.whitelover.pleasejuststop.
she is still.
.
teeth and tongue hang bloody
upon the doors of her temple
lungs still twisting jumping
scatter the doorstep of her temple
eyes gone milky white with passing
roll away from her temple.
conquistadors do not survive here.
.
i am somebody
i am this body
the only body left
i am a survivor’s body
i am each one of us
as i abuse myself, i abuse you
as i heal myself, i heal you
.
heal, baby, heal
.
